The one emotional need that every child needs met consistently is to feel valued. Feeling valued is the first connection language that I always use in order to bond and establish trust with children and teenagers.
Think about it, how much time have you spent figuring out your purpose, your mission, or your "why?" Having meaning helps to propel us all forward. Children are no different. In fact, it can be frustrating as a child constantly being told what to do without being empowered to see like as the adventure that it is, allowing them to put together puzzle pieces and understand more of themselves and others.
"When you parent, it's crucial to realize you aren't raising a mini-me, but a spirit throbbing with its own signature. For this reason, it's important to separate who you are from who each of your children is. Children aren't ours to possess or own in any way. When we know this in the depths of our soul, we tailor our raising them to their needs rather than molding them to fit our needs." ~ Shefali Tsabary
Children are here in the world to have their own experiences. It is not enough to simply say, "You must." "You have to go to school." "You have to do what ______ says." "Because I said so." Simply following arbitrary rules and guidelines feels disempowering even for children.
The Connection language, "Feeling Valued," focuses on empowering the child as a leader, intentionally praising them for sharing their knowledge, and sharing your own experiences with them.
Let's took a look at the connection language, "Feeling Valued."
Fear of being "Average."
I'll never forget the look on my student, Daniel's face when he revealed to me that he'd been referred to as "average" by one of his teachers. Daniel wore the label as a scarlet letter. He stopped trying altogether in school and his parents believed that he was struggling because of the difficulty of the coursework. This was not the case.
Daniel felt that he didn't have anything to offer and he judged himself harshly in comparison to others.
Daniel needed to see his value and to be connected to a larger purpose or to what pyschologist, Heidi Wayment, refers to as the "quiet ego."
A quiet ego, according to psychologist Heidi Wayment and her colleagues, is a state of being in which “the volume of the ego is turned down so that it might listen to others as well as the self in an effort to approach life more humanely and compassionately.” ~Eileen Kennedy-Moore
How do you help your child to feel valued and more confident?
We've got you covered!
This fun printable gives kids an opportunity to explore ways to feel valued. It's a great way to start a conversation, help kids feel empowered, and initiate interactive learning within the family. Sign up below to receive this free comic and all future FREE weekly printables that are sent every Friday!
This comic could be a great conversation starter for your family.
Questions to ask your child: